Oh, the things fashion people say when they think no one is paying attention. Brilliant. Just brilliant. 

  1. "He's been pimping me out. In a good way."
  2. "Why are there so many children here?""Why do they have better seats than me?"
  3. "Kids come to the CFDA now?""I blame North West."
  4. "They have seven editors sitting in the front row. Don't they have work to do?"
  5. "I'm just going to squat."
  6. "Can I have, like, half a butt cheek."
  7. "North West is walking in the show.""No, she's not, but let's get that rumor going."
  8. "Did I just hear Chanel?"
  9. "It's too much. I'm just so over having a townhouse.""Totally."
  10. "Who is your favorite designer?""Old Navy."
  11. "This is a leftover blowout."
  12. "Forget that Ebola shit. I've got a way better charity for you."
  13. "Let's just stand in a circle and look bitchy."
  14. "Whenever I see Jefferson Hack, I just want to ask him, 'What's it like inside of Kate Moss?'"
  15. "She's so dumb. It's like she's just learning how to read."
  16. "There is no such thing as a grown-ass man."
  17. "You have no idea how happy I am that you are here!""I can't talk to you right now." Getty
  18. "Ear cuffs? You're a little late to the game on that one. And pearls? Please."
  19. "She gets a lot of celebs to go to her shows.""Well, yeah, because she's a nut job and super-rich. Those people attract each other."
  20. "Give the people what they want: Kendall, Karlie, and Clara.""Do you mean Cara?""Whatever. Eyebrows. I'm over her anyway."
  21. "Stop drinking the Kool-Aid, everyone. It looked like they were wearing garbage bags."
  22. "The new hair is hair. Just, like ... hair."
  23. "I want to go home and put on pants.""I want to go home and put on a Slanket."
  24. "These girls look colder than a polar bear's vagina."
  25. "I once thought I saw Gwyneth Paltrow at a show, but it turned out to be a man."
  26. "Can you Facetune my hands?"
  27. "I would post this show but the dark looks aren't good for my Instagram."
  28. "That's the Blonde Salad. She's like the OG."
  29. "Where do they perform?""I don't know. Rape conventions?"
  30. "Where's the bathroom?""Are you on the list?"
  31. "I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."
  32. "Who doesn't want to see those two old crones naked on the cover of a book about Prince William?"
  33. "I shut down TGIFridays on a Thursday!"
  34. "How do you forget being at the carpet store? That's a memorable thing!"
  35. "When is anybody out of green tea?"
  36. "I'm not even sure she likes cats that much in real life."
  37. "I only eat ugly animals."
  38. "I love your dog's Twitter."
  39. "And no underwear?""Well, not to a wedding."
  40. "She's super regular, which I like in a person."
  41. "One thing I can tell you: Don't leave him alone with a tray of apps."
  42. "She had leg hair? That's upsetting to me."
  43. "It felt like I wasn't turned on and that was sad because I wanted to be."
  44. "Who does anything over the phone anymore? Who calls people!?""Olds."
  45. "She shouldn't be miserable. She's, like, a gazillionaire. She has a line of mattresses!"
  46. "I don't want to see that her hair is in a ponytail. I want to see the ponytail!"
  47. "Oh, whatever, my dad bought me this Chanel car."
  48. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this because my arm hurts from Wii bowling."
  49. " I love murders."
  50. "Some girls have a bag of cocaine. I have a bag of crystals."
  51.       
  52. "If they're old enough to get married, then they're old enough to suck dick."
  53. "I was seeing a computer programmer for a while. I felt very millennial."
  54. "I know you're living in Queens right now."
  55. "All the dudes at this party look like rapists.""I think they're bankers."
  56. "The problem is we're both so legit."
  57. "I'm too sober for her kind of drunk."
  58. "There are so many zip-up cardigans in here. You're all repulsive!"
  59. "It's hard to look this good and this bad at the same time."
  60. "I wonder how many dicks she had to suck to get that."
  61. "I look this fabulous, but I can't! I mean. Come on! Right? Oooooooh! I love it!"
  62. "Welcome to the party for some faggot dot com."
  63. "I wish these were dicks."
  64. "Look at that! He can fit a whole fist in his mouth.""Among other places."
  65. "So what's she doing now?""I don't fucking know. Probably eating for the first time in a decade.""Truth."
  66. "You ordered two chicken dishes. I mean, you know I have a parrot."
  67. "Nice fur. Did your pimp buy that for you? On lay-away?"
  68. "She's pretty.""Maybe for, like, a 'real girl' story."
  69. "You're being fucking paid so shut up."
  70. "Oh my god. I'm going to shit in your face and make you eat it."
  71. "I don't care if he has bad breath. My dick can't smell."
  72. "There is not a single attractive woman in this room. I have never felt sexier."
  73. "He's, like, dribbly-come-shot cute."
  74. "She doesn't have the tits for that dress.""She doesn't have the tits for a snuff film."
  75. "Don't blame it on work. Your face looked like that to begin with"
  76. "You know I've stopped douching? I'll tell you later."
  77. "You two look like Naomi Campbell and Christie Turlington.""And you look like our agent."
  78. "She's a cunt.""I don't care about that. She's bad at her fucking job."
  79. "Your breath smells like chicken fingers.""Well, you're black; that's basically an aphrodisiac for you."
  80. "I had gloves.""Heaven forbid you lose those and have to buy another pair at Uniqlo.""These are Diesel!""What's the difference?"
  81. "I'm not drunk enough for your ass."
  82. "I have the spins! Oh my god! I have the spins. I can't!"
  83. "Don't Instagram that. What are you, a fucking tourist?"
  84. "It smells like pull-out."
  85. "I like it when anyone spanks me."
  86. "I'm going to start a foundation for victims of chub rub."
  87. Getty
  88. "I've been chain smoking for days. My lungs are the new black."
  89. "Oh my god, she, like, just figured out Instagram last week."
  90. "When I think a girl is ugly, I just say, 'Excuse me, sir.'"
  91. "I should have worn them without underwear."
  92. "It's the fucking Wild West of dick over here."
  93. "I'm not weird! I don't have wrinkles!"
  94. "They're not ugly, they're editorial."
  95. "I don't care about what you did on your vacation."
  96. "He looks sexual."
  97. "If you've got a nice body you can take a dump on my chest and I'll still think you're hot."
  98. "Those look like bright red dicks.""Do you want a back rub?"
  99. "You can't just email someone and ask them to help you."
  100. "Go back to the Hudson Valley and make pies!"
  101. "I was like, OK, I'm sorry I'm not fat, but I, like, don't want to talk to you."
  102. "After yesterday, I was so happy to get back to New Jersey and be around real people."
  103. "Do you think the other models hate us?"
  104. "I love Fashion Week!""Oh, please!"
  105. "I'm a garbage person."
  106. "Can I touch you?""Go for it!"
  107. "Food is for fat people.""It is. It really is."
  108. "Wait! She had leg hair? I'm missing everything!"
  109. "Now she's a stylist in Africa.""For who ... Ebola victims? What does she do? Introduce the Masai to shoes? 'This is un-der-wear.'"
  110. "I could have gone to Goodwill to see that."
  111. "Look like a human. It's not that hard!"
  112. "What are you writing down?"




#wtf